June 2025

On June –

After coming back from Ohio well rested, no bags under-eyes, and feeling at peace, I went straight back into the office to recommence my life routines in the city. The pause in Ohio felt so good, so healing and so slow. Exactly what I needed. And so got back into the routines of planning events, going into work, trying to sleep deeply usually to no avail, and meticulously planning a calendar of social events and activities to squeeze my life into something that I am creating. I am wanting deep, meaningful, mutually supportive friendships of all kinds and this is what my focus is on because as I head towards my birthday and living in the city has made me face the realities that I do not have close friendships here and more widely that my relationships of all kinds have suffered at the expense of putting everything into one person due to comfort and other childhood patterns.

We had the IFI workshop, the team retreat and lots of drinks. Then I did more social event dinners, the girls day at the spa, went on a few (two) dates but made a dating app to begin with and actually used it, then had the Bahamas conference (Which was a Dis- asterrr, but actually fun and interesting) and was referenced in the world investment report (exciting!), went to two intense and amazing astrology events, told Thomas about my graduate school and later made a decision to end work in end of October, and in between spent time with the dogs and family in CT and Roslyn (so that I could sleep), went to volley ball and ballet, and wrote down my dreams and went to therapy amid the start of more conflict and geopolitical games on our planet and big changes politically taking place. June has been a packed month, packed with the fruits of my manifestations starting to come to fruition and seeing how that is working, and adjusting, and also mailed this ubs letter so I can hopefully take out all the money from that bank, and also got a weird text from Thomas in the mdist and couldn’t really take it seriously anyway. And then Saw Hima, went out with him.

This is / was the past month. I am feeling the tension and difficulty between wanting to make the most of my (limited) time living in the city in this apartment and having this independence, knowing I’ll likely go back to CT at the end of it just to sleep, and also feeling slightly burnt out and every other weekend wanting to sleep somewhere that’s not this apartment and be free in nature. I talk about this in therapy and its true I do need this cocoon of nature of connecticuit, and I’;m trying to weirdly and awkwardly create this balance while also trying to improve my sleep, but it is hard. Honestly the sleep is a big issue, I never feel fully rested and as time goes on it becomes accumulative.

I also started seeing the difference in how I am about my divorce, etc… It doesn’t bother me as much and it doesn’t feel as much like I am missing anything in my life without him. In a slow way I feel more about to face my reality and see how maybe it was never about him, like my life and who I am is not so much defined by him and this marriage anymore and maybe as time goes on it just feels like something that I’ve been through. Kindof also like how I used to feel so defined by who I slept with, etc., but now and after talking more about it, it feels so irrelevant and long ago. And time is a construction though, put I feel more distant and less attached to this now. I wonder to what extent that is therapy or not or just time and Saturn return and planetary transits working, and maybe just becoming older and doing new things.

 The dating so far doesn’t seem to be working so well, however lets see and I’m learning all the time new things. I am also envisioning and imaging what my life will be, how I want my future, this is big in my life now because I see everything is changing and in this transitional phase, which to be honest I have a deep feeling will become somewhat of a permanent feature in my life, like its not going to be the same as like going to a job and staying there, I just feel eveyrhting is entering this new phase and it is.

I am really into astrology as well and also am thinking how to take my skills to the next level, maybe even evtually doing readings and that’s where I want to go to hone all my skillsets and knowledge and not just to sell it and turn it into a product but to ELEVATE and to go towards EXCELLEnce, in a way that is unique to myself and for its own sake because that’s the highest aim we can reach for. Not perfection, just honing all my skills and interests and working on them for myself, like writing, synthesising all the knwolege and wisdom areas of astrology, mythology, psychology, Jungian analysis, dreams, everything.

I learned that there is a star on my ascendent – SUBRA. Who represents multidisciplinarity. This is so me. I feel this is my destiny and I’m obsessed with this idea and always have been of like synthesizing, organzing, creating something beautiful and like this masterwork / oevre piece out fo everything I’ve done in a way. And I literally have had this idea since I was young, and how to like organiing all the data, all the photos I have, to create this meaning and that’s why I take so many notes and put all my writing down because its like aprt of this ongoing process to create and refine and I have no idea what Im doing really but this is the idea to my book. To unite all the wisdoms.

 To me its so rewarding to make connections between everything, to have this master framework and system to unify everything (intellectually), but that is what is the most beautiful – higher wisdom, higher meaning…. Not even higher but like something deeper and more solid that makes sense at a deeper level. Very 9th house and 8th house mysteries. So I see myself taking my trainings and elarning to the next level, not only starting this masters program and career structure but my astrology and what ive seen as hobbies, taking these to the next level.